Indian Marriages Series — Malayalam wedding

Indian Marriages

India is a country with as many spoken dialects as there are communities, with unique rituals for every occasion. Any surprise then, that marriage is itself a unique affair across the thousands of tribes, communities and religions that make up India?

Though primarily serving as society’s seal of approval, marriage imparts a ring of finality to a couple’s decision to be companions for life. What are universal are the sanctimony, regard, celebration and happiness that go with it, and the one undeniable fact, that marriage remains one of the most momentous occasions in the life of every wedded couple today.

Here’s looking at some primary marriage rituals among the main communities of India.

The Malayalam Wedding

The Malayalam wedding, believe it or not, is only a 15-minute affair. And although the groom and bride seem very relieved at the brevity of the ritual, it is the poor pundit who really has to tire it out, keeping the agni (fire) burning {in some sects of Malayalis} all through the preceding night.

The Engagement

Like most Hindu marriages, the Malayalam wedding is preceded by the engagement or vivah nischayam ceremony. This is believed to be a half-wedding. It is also an occasion for relatives of the bride and groom to see and approve the match.

The maternal uncles of both sides conduct the ceremony, sitting on either side of an otta valukku (brass lamp). A pundit oversees the proceedings. The groom’s uncle asks the bride’s uncle to give his word of honour, committing towards giving her hand in marriage. A mock consultation follows among the girl’s relatives persuading the uncle to say yes. The bride’s uncle acknowledges, “Nyan vaak taranu (I give my word)”, thrice, thus solemnising the engagement. Congratulations, and sometimes, engagement rings are exchanged.

The date, time and venue of the marriage ceremony are fixed by the pundit in the presence of the elders. A luncheon usually follows the engagement.

The marriage

The wedding day finally dawns accompanied by anticipation and excitement. The pundit performs the Ganapati Homam (Lord Ganesha’s pooja) in front of the holy fire that he’d kept burning all night at the marriage venue. He goes ahead and completes all the wedding rituals accompanied by the relevant mantras before the muhurtham (auspicious time). Next to the agni, a nira para (ancient measuring cylinder for rice) containing a pookuta (coconut flower) and a nila valakku (lamp) is placed. These are traditional motifs signifying a brimming, plentiful life just as the nira para is brimming with flowers – the same that turn into fruit later.

Most such motifs in Hindu rituals symbolise fertility, prosperity and the expectation of future progeny that will complete the family.

The bride arrives first at the venue, since her family hosts the marriage. Her female relatives prepare to welcome the groom’s party. They give away a lemon, a perfumed cotton pod wound on a two-inch stick with zari (shiny lace), rose water and flowers, in welcome to every member of the groom’s party. The groom is personally welcomed by the bride’s eldest sister/ brother and garlanded by the bride’s uncles. Sometimes, each of the bride’s brothers presents the groom with a gold ring. Fireworks signal the beginning of the celebrations and provide, what is perhaps, the only gaiety in the proceedings.

The groom’s sister gifts the bride with the traditional kanjeevaram wedding saree to change into. In some Malayali sub-sects, the saree is given after the tali (necklace worn by married Hindu women) ritual. The groom’s female relatives then take away the bride to dress her up in finery and the gifted saree. Nowadays though, the dressing up ritual is just a namesake since the bride comes dressed in her best straight from the parlour!

The bride is then escorted back to the mandapa (marriage venue built around the holy fire, usually constructed with coconut fronds and banana stems).

The wedding ceremony starts with the unwed girls among the guests circling the mandapa once, carrying plates decorated with diyas (earthen lamps) lit in til (mustard) oil,  coconuts, turmeric sticks and flowers. The ritual marks the next in line for marriage, so that those assembled can look at prospective brides, much like the “coming out” ritual followed in Britain’s Victorian age. The ritual also symbolises the blessings of the virgin womenfolk, as theirs is the womb that will bear the Malayalis their next generation. So also symbolic are the motifs of coconut for fertility, turmeric for purity and cleansing and the diyas signaling a new life.

The bride now enters the mandapa after paying respects to the bhoomi (soil) and takes her place in front of the agni and nira para. The groom follows. The pundit announces the muhurtham for the tali mala (mangalsutra) to be tied. After being garlanded by the bride, the groom ties the tali mala around the bride’s neck. Sometimes rings are exchanged. The groom then garlands the bride.

The bride’s father steps forward to give her away. The groom leads the bride by holding her hand, to circle the agni and nira para thrice. The assembly showers akshata (saffron rice) in blessing over the wedded couple. The bride and groom are now a couple. A reception is sometimes hosted by the groom’s side the next day or so.

We can understand the smugness of the Malayali at the end of it all, happy no doubt with the sheer brevity of the ritual – possibly the shortest of all Hindu marriages!

So if you catch a Malayali recalling his treasured wedding moments, you can be sure they were exactly that – moments.

The Malayali lunch menu

Traditional Malayali marriage fare comprises many compulsory dishes, typically:

White rice, sambar, parippu-nai-papada (dal-ghee-papad), pulissari (curd- based curry), avial (vegetables with coconut base), two or three toran (dry vegetables), upperi (banana chips), sakkaravarati  (chips with jaggery), inji curry (ginger curry), lemon curry, olan (black gram curry), kalan (raw banana curry), pachadi (white pumpkin chutney in curd), khichdi curry (tomato in curd), two or three types of payasam (sweetened milk dessert) – mostly the ada pradhaman kheer (made with maida and coconut) as a must, mango pickle and mor (buttermilk) to wash it down with. Burp!

Most communities use vegetables, fruits and seasoning that is available in plenty locally to flavour wedding banquets. Coconuts and bananas are therefore integral to a Kerala meal.