Planning a baby?

A much needed checklist a few months before/ after conception

My husband and I have decided one can never really be ready to have a baby. Technically. Romance is one ballgame, marriage is another. Planning a family is one thing, and actually embarking upon the adventure of raising a child is, trust me, completely different. Considering the human aversion to changing, forget forming good habits, I think it is better to practise some routines even before baby enters the womb!

Having practically mothered my niece in her first couple of years did, I thought, prepared me with the necessary experience to be a mother. Then I made many mistakes like many new mothers, and suddenly, I wasn’t so sure anymore. Thankfully, I’m wiser for it and, phew, there was no permanent damage done (fingers crossed J).

Here’s my check list for ‘mothers-in-planning’, ahem, for want of a better word.

1)      Have you ever babysat toddlers AND babies (read children less than two years old)? Try it. Patiently, for a whole month.

2)      Find a destress routine. Practise it till the time you know for sure that it works for you – a 60-minute “me” time of just about any activity that gets you happy. It could be allotting telly time for yourself, yoga, a walk, a beach, shopping, anything. Psst, and don’t stop the sex. Don’t ask me why. For some strange reason it keeps the upset post-pregnancy hormones in check and it’s great for the skin!

3)      Rope in elders, friends, family and have their word of honour that they will help out in times of crises. Make a list. It’s only a last resort, but it’s nice to know there are people you can entrust your child to, when you have to go attend to an accident victim or rush to the emergency doctor. Keep telephone numbers handy, and hubby’s number on Speed Dial.

4)      Start a healthy diet at home, get hubby’s support – low oil, less sugar, no junk, no colas, no chips and fries. If you don’t follow a healthy diet before you conceive, you will resent having to follow it later. Once you get used to food that is good for the entire family, you will pass down the habit to your little one as well. This one really needs preparation WELL in advance. If there are elders at home, talk to them and convince them that a healthy diet IS needed and their cooperation is needed as well.

5)      Ensure your home is child friendly – no slippery floors, no peeling paint, pest control three months before delivery, no unsafe doors (fit doorstoppers), and most important, make sure your sofas will withstand frequent outbursts of your baby’s altogether too frequent needs to go J.

6)      Train husband. Talk to husband. Prepare him to participate in baby activities and to the fact that the baby is going to tire you out a lot – typically once the baby starts standing  – which means that you will be giving hubby less time. If there are elders at home, set up a routine with them so you and hubby can spend time out together while things are taken care of at home. Just like “me” time, “together” time with husband is also very important.

7)      Ask around for a good, aware, communicative paediatrician. Make sure s/he is well recommended – very important; there are only a few who make your child comfortable for a “visit to the doctor”. Also, ask for a good hospital to have the baby at. Check other mothers’ experiences (recent ones nearing your date of delivery) so you have a recent update about hospitals and post-partum care.

      Do not start too many new activities around the time of delivery. Plan ahead. New job, new house, new domestic help (maid), visitors, change of place – all a strict no-no. Cut the stress, you will anyway be handling too many changes in your life: physiological, hormonal, psychological and social. You will be cut from the couples and become part of parents’ clique J, are you ready for that? Through it all, remember, you have to be happy for the baby – it rubs off, you know.

9)      Lastly, and very importantly, don’t become yet another boring mom. Other people are not interested in your child, so please don’t flaunt his developmental milestones to every visitor or friend. Save it for hubby . He is bound to you by holy matrimony J and being a co-parent, will share your pride and not hate you for the drivel.

Hope this helps. The above are from personal experience. And yes, I am guilty of not following ALL of the above. You see, nobody sat me down and explained to me the perils of not “preparing” in the real sense of the word. As for you, you lucky woman you, you have this blog!

Happy conception!